Ask yourself this,
What do I want?
Chances are you’ve got two answers.
You’re like Terence Mann – you’ve got an existential-angst want, and you’ve got a dog-and-a-beer want.
The “grow the business to the point of giving yourself freedom from toxic productivity culture” desire and the “mushrooms and vegan pepperoni (do not judge me) on your pizza” desire.
The sacred and the mundane.
Many of us here reading this article weren’t ever taught that it’s okay to want, let alone how to want.
So now, here you are, getting to ask “what do I want?” – and it feels awkward and unnatural.
It feels… futile.
Wanting brings all sort of other shenanigans. After all, if we want something, we have to GO AND GET IT.
Planning out what you want
And in order to go and get it, we have to make a plan. And do things. Like, tasky-things. Ew.
And that making plans and tasky-doings is just another opportunity to get derailed and derided. Another chance to start something that will not get finished. Another plan that involves lots of trees climbing and navel gazing, and very little forest exploration. OR vice vera – it’s all navel gazing and forest exploration, with no sense of which tree to map next. Another opportunity to fail.
UGH – who wants to want anyway???
Lean in close, you BeastyBosses, because imma tell you something they don’t want you to know:
The “secret to success” isn’t knowing your ideal client, or the perfect pricing figured out, or having the most aggressive marketing plan.
The secret to success is to know what you want, regardless of any one else’s opinions on how you should show up in the world.
The secret is being brave enough to set aside self editing for long enough to ACTUALLY FEEL A THING CALLED DESIRE.
I’d like to share with you my tried and true SOP (standard operating procedure) for digging out of myself what I want. Try it and then write me back and tell me what came of it for ya.
The Art of the Inquiry:
The Secret to Revenue, Relationships, and Retention
Discover each step of the inquiry process and get tangible actions items to implement in your own business right away. GET YOUR COPY HERE.
The Michelle’s Gotta Figure Out What the Hell She WANTS Process ™️:
- Determine categories that I will “want” in (here are some examples:)
- Job Description
- Business Stuffs
- Mental Heath
- Physical Health
- House Keeping/Decor/Vibe
- Home office
- Name what I want without editing or self-judgment, in each area – this is REALLY IMPORTANT. I FORCE MYSELF to NOT edit. I write what comes to mind, from “a bag of Cheetos but not from Walgreens” to “a feeling of euphoria over how my child calls my name” – no matter how ridiculous I may think my thoughts are, I commit to writing them down.
- Sometimes I’ve got to start with “I DO NOT WANT” statements, and that’s cool – it’s why the next step includes going back to reframe
- INCLUDE WAYS I WANT TO FEEL – when coming up with a five year plan feels like a mountain I’m not yet ready to climb, I use “I want to feel” statements. Example: “I want to feel free from obligation on the weekends and show up exactly how I want to show up”
- Reframe the “I don’t want” statements. For example, if I wrote “I don’t want to be late anymore”, I’ll go back and reword it to “I want to be five minutes early”
- Determine which things are in my control and which things are not
- In my control gets a ✅
- Not in my control gets a 🚫
- Determine financial cost (💰)
- Determine emotional cost (❤️🩹)
- Choose the timeline/Due by goal/thing that will let me know I arrived at my want
- Plan the way there, working backward
- Revisit timeline/Due date/Rubric and update accordingly
- Do first action(s) in each category
Achieve your wants with an SOP for success
I know it seems kind of weird to have an SOP around wanting things. Yet, every act of want is attached to some sort of SOP.
You want clean teeth? You go to the bathroom, turn on the light, walk to the sink, lift up the toothbrush, open the toothpaste… you get the idea.
Don’t mistake ingrained habits for a lack of SOP.
And, to that end, don’t think an ingrained belief like “I don’t know how to want” won’t be changed without an SOP.
You let me know what you want.
As for me, I’ll have a (veggie) dog and a beer.
All My BeastyBoss,
You ready to join us in The SpeakEasy Cooperative yet? May was Multi-Teacher Studio month, and I gotta tell you – the opportunity to work with TEAMS and their LEADERS has given me a lovely little dose of serotonin.
Teaching people the difference between an agency and a company, helping folks determine if they are misclassifying workers or not, helping people learn financials has been A DREAM.
We in SECO are paying attention to the Multi-Teacher Studio Owners (MTSO’s). Why? Because that’s one of the things I determined that I want to do – use my management experience and team building and leadership training skills to help those on teams – whether they are the teacher working with the MTS or the MTSO.