The Teeter-Totter of Guilt and Resentment in Business

The Teeter-Totter of Guilt and Resentment is Nauseating

Okay, be honest: Do you ever feel resentful when someone asks you to do a thing that you just don’t want to do? Like you’re going to have to do something, because “nice” or “customer service” or “keep a client”?

And then, do you ever get sweaty and feel nauseous when you have to tell that client “no”? And then you DO say no, and feel guilty because what if they feel sad or mad, or leave a bad review?

OR OR, do you just sigh and say yes, because it’s easier in the moment? But then feel guilty for not having better boundaries, or hutzpah, or whatever, because you know that you’re letting yourself be taken advantage of, and you know better?

We ride the teeter-totter of guilt and resentment: feeling resistant to doing something we don’t want to do, then saying no, then feeling bad, or saying yes and feeling bad, or not saying anything and then resenting ourselves for not even knowing what to say or do. It’s a super shitty place to be – up and down, up and down, riding out old patterns because of inertia instead of intention.

I hate this teeter-totter. I’ve been there. Sometimes I still AM there. I’ve seen countless artists ride this teeter-totter, because we, as artists, we are EXPECTED to ride it… we should want to perform. We should want to make people happy.

Add being a BUSINESS OWNER to that artist-ness? That expectation of “no resentment, never guilty, customer is always right” goes through the roof – to the point that clients feel entitled to our art. Entitled to be happy with how we teach them art.

Some Encouragement around the Yucky Feelings

This pushing of boundaries, not following of policies, going against agreements – it all stirs up resentment in us – and it’s no joke. It’s not a comfortable position to be in, even though the world will tell you that resentment isn’t helpful.

In fact, the world will either blame us for not feeling grateful enough, or nice enough, or accommodating enough. They will convince you that saying yes is the only way to get ahead, and take the beautiful choice of yes right out of your hands.

So you feel guilty that you said yes when you don’t need to, or you feel guilty for what you did to hold your boundary. It’s crazy making.

Well friend, I want to assure you:

Not only is resentment helpful, it’s required. It is necessary to feel resentful when people expect things from you that you did not agree to.

Resentment is your body’s way of telling you something isn’t right.

Guilt is the same – it’s a flare sent up by your nuggets – your internal sense of something is wrong.

Resentment and guilt are often seen as negative emotions, but they aren’t. In fact, they serve as a powerful signal that something needs to change. It’s your brain and body’s way of communicating that your boundaries are being breached, and that you’re not okay with it.

Resentment and guilt can be a catalyst for change, prompting you to name your desired outcomes and communicating your needs more effectively. That’s a good thing.

It’s a sign that you respect yourself enough to recognize when you’re being treated in a way that doesn’t align with your values or expectations. So, don’t be afraid of resentment or the guilt. Instead, see an opportunity to reassess and strengthen your clarity.

It’s your art. Your business. You have every right to establish and maintain your own rules.

I get it: It can be particularly tough when you care about your clients and want to provide them with the best service possible. It’s important to remember that maintaining your boundaries isn’t just about protecting yourself – it’s also about running your business effectively.

Saying “no” is a powerful tool of self-loyalty. It’s not just about refusing a request or denying an obligation. Instead, it’s about naming your desired outcomes, honoring your own needs, maintaining your time, and feeding your energy.

When you say “no”, you’re making a statement that you value your own wellbeing and that you’re not willing to sacrifice it for the sake of pleasing others. It’s a self-affirming action that reinforces your independence. It can be challenging to do, especially when you’re worried about disappointing others. But remember, your needs and priorities matter because you need to be regulated in order to run your business well.

By saying “no, thank you”, you’re practicing self-care and showing respect for yourself and your business.

Imma Prove it to You

Let me show you some case studies on implementing boundaries, not just because of the teeter-totter feelings, but the tangible outcomes:

Case Study 1: The Makeup Lesson Boundary

Sarah, a voice teacher, found herself feeling resentful every time students requested makeup lessons outside her policy. She kept making exceptions, leading to schedule chaos and lost personal time. She was guilty for the havoc it caused on other students. After recognizing this resentment/guilt as a signal, she:

• Reinforced her existing makeup policy through clear communication
• Stopped making exceptions that violated her boundaries
• Experienced initial pushback but ultimately gained more respect from clients

Result: More organized schedule, less stress, happier client culture, and increased profitability.

Case Study 2: The Rate Increase Revolution

James, a piano instructor, realized he felt resentful every time he looked at his bank account. His rates hadn’t increased in three years because he felt guilty about asking for more. After acknowledging this resentment, he:

• Documented the value he provided to students
• Implemented a clear rate increase structure
• Communicated changes professionally and with confidence

Result: Lost two clients but gained four new ones at the higher rate, and his remaining students appreciated his professionalism. Happy with the moolas!

Case Study 3: The Boundary-Setting Liberation

Maria noticed growing resentment about constant after-hours text messages from clients/students. Then she would feel guilty whether or not she responded: guilty for responding and enabling, guilty for not responding and not helping. This resentment/guilt signaled her need for better work-life boundaries. She took action by:

• Establishing clear communication hours in writing
• Setting up an automatic response system outside business hours
• Creating a client communication policy

Result: Better work-life balance, reduced anxiety, and more present engagement with students during actual lesson times.

Why the Resentment-Guilt Teeter-Totter Signals Matter

These case studies demonstrate how resentment and guilt serve as powerful indicators of misplaced or violated boundaries. They show that observing the feelings and making a practical plan helps with not only establishing boundaries, but maintaining business functionality.

Paying attention to the feelings teach us to define our offers more clearly. To understand who we will and won’t work with, or hire. They teach us what to do with our money, our time, and our marketing efforts.

Your resentment and guilt aren’t just negative emotions – it’s valuable data about where your business needs stronger clearer policies, more effective communication, clarity on projects and tasks, and direction on its mission and vision. By viewing it as a tool rather than a burden, you can use it to create positive change in your business practices.

And this is yet another benefit of our How to Run Your Biz Without Hating Your Boss program.

We spend time in our program working through the feelings in order to be better business owners. We don’t shy away from the personal development. Because personal development will always lead to professional development.

We’d love you to join us for the exploration of the feelings that lead to business freedom.

We start on April 1, 2025.

Click the button below to learn more about H2RA. Fill out the application and book your call to chat with me. Let’s get that teeter-totter working for you, instead of bringing all the nausea!

All My BeastyBoss,

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